Cooling Down Without Stonewalling

How to take the break you need while keeping your partner inside the unit.

1. Step 1

   Notice flooding early

   Racing heart, tunnel vision, rehearsing rebuttals instead of listening. Once you're flooded, nothing said will be retained by either of you.

2. Step 2

   Announce, don't disappear

   Use an agreed phrase plus a time: 'I'm flooded. Thirty minutes, then I'll come find you.' The time is a promise; keep it even if you're still tense.

3. Step 3

   Do something that actually settles you

   Walk, shower, move. Do not rehearse the argument — that keeps you activated and comes back sharper.

4. Step 4

   Return on time and re-open

   Come back and start with one sentence about your own part. Returning early and cold is better than returning late and perfect.