The 20-Minute Repair Conversation

A timed, structured way to reopen a fight that ended badly — without restarting it.

1. Step 1

   Set the frame (2 min)

   Agree out loud on one topic and one goal: understanding, not verdicts. Set a timer. Anyone can call a pause; the pause has a stated return time.

2. Step 2

   Partner A speaks (5 min)

   Describe what happened using observation, impact, need, request. No history, no examples from other years. Partner B does not respond yet.

   • • Stay in one incident
   • • Name the need using the framework word

3. Step 3

   Partner B reflects (3 min)

   Say back what you heard, including the need — not what you think is inaccurate. Ask 'did I get it?' until you get a yes.

4. Step 4

   Swap (8 min)

   Repeat steps two and three with roles reversed.

5. Step 5

   One agreement (2 min)

   Choose a single concrete change either of you will make before the next check-in. One. Write it down where you both see it.